The post-partum problem: How to help children by helping their mothers

Published on Psychology Today

It was only about 24 hours after my first child was born that I realized my life would never be the same. As I stared at his little face in the maternity wing, I knew that my life was now about taking care of him first, and me second; that I would have to change my entire life to accommodate this new addition. There was some joy in this realization but mostly fear. Lack of sleep and issues nursing didn’t help. I remember being up in the middle of the night nursing and crying—crying because I would never have my old life back again, crying because I was so, so tired, and crying because it felt like razor blades every time I fed my newborn son. Then came the colic. Around 4 weeks, my son started crying for hours and hours every day for no discernable reason. There were times where I would lay my crying son down in his crib and then go into my bedroom and shut the door so I could cry as well. And the worst part about all of this is that I was alone. My husband went back to work, and I had to bear the brunt of this all by myself, with no one to hold the baby so I could take a shower, nap, or even cry alone in my bedroom.

What I was suffering from is called the post-partum blues. About 80-85% of women go through it. One in about 7 women have post-partum depression, which is like what I went through, but worse. Women who have post-partum depression experience mood swings, frequent crying, lack of joy, they can feel worthless, anxious, panicked, have trouble focusing, and worse of all, have feelings of detachment from their newborn.

Then there is post-partum psychosis. You might have heard this phrase lately because of the Lindsay Clancy case.  In 2023, Lindsay Clancy strangled her three children aged 3, 5, and 8 in her home, and then attempted suicide, sustaining injuries that left her paralyzed. At the time of the crime, psychologists have determined that Lindsay was suffering from postpartum psychosis, having heard voices on the day of the murders instructing her to do it.

Several witnesses testified that Lindsay had spent months looking for help from both her family and healthcare providers. She was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder a year before the killings, especially after the birth of her first two children. It got worse after her third child was born; she experienced significant postpartum depression, she sought help on Facebook support groups, made trips to the emergency room, and called suicide hotlines. She even disclosed to her mother and husband that she had thoughts of harming the children.

Post-partum psychosis is the most extreme of the post-partum conditions; women who suffer from it lose contact with reality, they don’t sleep, and they experience dramatic changes in mood. It can come with delusions (beliefs that aren’t based in reality), hallucinations (hearing and seeing things that aren’t there) and paranoia. It is relatively rare, occurring in 1 of every 500-1000 births.

Importantly, all of these conditions—post-partum blues, post-partum depression, and post-partum psychosis—are all highly treatable, and the overwhelming majority of people who suffer from them do not hurt their children or themselves.

I’m not writing this because people with post-partum psychosis should be allowed to hurt their children. Not at all. But a lot of the controversy that exists over her case is due to the fact that many women can understand and relate to feelings of hopelessness that can follow the birth of a child. They understand how these feelings—especially when coupled with lack of sleep and massive stress—can make you feel like you’re going crazy.

This week, these mixed feelings came to head when the Clancy case ended in a mistrial. Whatever Clancy’s fate, it would be a mistake to learn nothing from her case, and from the fact that post-partum depression is both common and treatable. Policies that provide paid parental leave—for both parents—is vitally important to easing some of the post-partum stress and making sure that mothers aren’t spending the post-partum period alone and without help. Having affordable options for childcare and easy and affordable access to post-partum mental health support, regardless of income of background, is also sorely needed.

On top of all of that, it’s important to remember that a mother’s mental health has consequences for the development of the child. Indeed, one of the biggest predictors of anxiety and depression in children is those same mental health problems in parents. Children of depressed parents also tend to experience problems with regulating their emotions, they are more irritable, they have higher stress hormones in their body, their attention to emotional information is altered which leads to potential problems with emotion understanding, they experience reduced social engagement, potential attachment issues, and sleep and eating difficulties (e.g., Fan et al., 2024; Spry et al., 2020). The bottom line is, if we really care about the health and wellbeing of children, we need to start paying attention to health and wellbeing of mothers.

Unfortunately in Lindsay Clancy’s case, it is too late to give her the help and support she needed. But if we use her case as a lesson, we might be able to prevent this kind of tragic ending from happening again and provide much-needed help for post-partum women who are struggling.

Photo: PickPik/royalty free photo

References

Fan, X., Wu, N., Tu, Y., Zang, T., Bai, J., Peng, G., & Liu, Y. (2024). Perinatal depression and infant and toddler neurodevelopment: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 159, 105579.

Spry, E. A., Aarsman, S. R., Youssef, G. J., Patton, G. C., Macdonald, J. A., Sanson, A., ... & Olsson, C. A. (2020). Maternal and paternal depression and anxiety and offspring infant negative affectivity: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Developmental Review, 58, 100934.